The 2i’s Coffee Bar – 59 Old Compton Street Soho

 

Scene                  : Basement of the famous 2i’s Coffee Bar

Present               : Dingo, Scandi, Ray

Background       : The Bootles have just completed a photoshoot, co-ordinated by Scandi in the coffee bar above

 

Dingo :  Inhale, hold it….then breath out

Scandi : Inhale…..coughs like crazy

Dingo : Not cool Scandi ! Not cool !

Scandi : I’m choking to death here ! Where’s the fun in this ?

{Ray walks down steps into basement}

Ray : Oh hello ! You youngsters enjoying yourselves I see ?

Dingo : Yes, we’re just dandy ! (laughs) Thank you mister for enquiring as to our wellbeing. (mimicking Raymond’s posh accent…) I would have to say that everything is top-notch, super, absolutely bloody marvellous

Ray : (more seruiously) Glad to hear it. It’s just that I was alerted by my manager of this club that an acrid smoke was emanating from my basement

Scandi : You own this joint ?

Ray : Well I own this joint and it appear young lady that you own that joint – so to speak (laughs at own joke). {Scandia and Dingo swap glances). I am Raymond, proprietor of the 2i’s Coffee bar, and a few other by the way. Happy to make your acquaintance.

Dingo : (more conciliatory tone adopted now he knows) Well, thank you mister for letting me and my mates use your establishment for the photoshoot earlier today.

Ray : No problem, young man, no problem at all. Good publicity for my coffee bar as well of course. Happy to help the famous Bootles. If I might just say so, your tunes are frightfully catch. That one, how’s it go…’yeah, yeah, yeah !’ Very good indeed. Little bit sloppy I suppose…Pity you couldn’t say ‘Yes, Yes. Yes’. But never mind.

Scandi : Well Mr Raymond, do you partake of the ‘aromatic tobacco ?’ You’re welcome to have a puff.

Ray : No, I do not young lady. Never ventured beyond the occasional cheroot. I like to keep my head clear, you see. And of course, it is quite illegal…

Scandi : Wait a minute, is that one of those new-fangled cassette recorders hanging out  of your pockets ?

Ray : (dispassionately) Indeed it is. I find it useful to carry it around with me in my interactions with the criminal classes. I have found it invaluable, time and time again when relying on it in court.

Dingo : (the haze clearing from his head) ‘Ere, wait a minute mister. Who are you calling the criminal classes.

Ray : Well I think that pretty obvious from where I’m standing. You are, unless both my visual and olfactory functions have completely given up the ghost, you’re both inhaling the root of the ganga…and that is indeed, breaking the law.

Scandi : (concerned) So what are you going to do with the tape ?

Ray : (pondering) Well, as I own 51% of The Bootles, I’m unlikely to jeopardise my investment whilst My Richard Dark remains the drummer.

Dingo : the name is Dingo by the way and I’ve just realised you’re the southern bastard who tried to get me kicked out of the band.

Ray : It still sounds like a good idea to me, not least as I’m sure your adoring fans might be somewhat less adoring if they knew you were a drug addict ! By the way, what exactly is your name..I have heard that you use to hand around with nefarious gangsters at the docks – apparently they call you Ding-the-Blade. Anyway, I like to keep my options open…which brings me to the issue regarding you, young lady. I would hate to see you spiral into a web of crime and debauchery which is the inevitable consequence of drug taking. I would be saving your honour, in a way, if I were to report you now. However, I will hold back to see how things….turn out !