Opening Speech – Mr Michael Payne

It was ten years ago when that old sweetheart Harold MacMillan told us that ‘most of us have never had it so good’. Well most of us have most definitely ‘had it good’ so to speak and long may that continue !

As we look back on ’66 we shall remember fondly all the good things that have happened over the past year. The Bootles continue to provide the soundtrack to our swinging lives (special thanks to Dingo on that one) for indeed, it seems all of London is Swinging. It feels like we – we Brits with the help of our some of our dear continental and New World cousins (look around this table of Americans, Italians, French and Genovians?)  - are at this very moment, the centre of the universe leading the way once again in – dare I say it a ‘renaissance’ in  art, music, fashion. Oh the joy of walking down Carnaby Street, the King’s Road, around Portobello on a Saturday – the colours, the noises, the vibrancy of our great capital this summer. And of course, the football – champions of the world (sorry to rub it in Georgie but you were crap).

Now we all know that those around the table have not always got on. There have been feuds, tears, violence even – but where there has been discord, let us bring union, Where there is error, let us bring truth, where there is hatred, let us bring love…coz all we need is love – sounds like that could be a good song – you can use that Dingo if you want.

So over the few years, we have all got to know each other either through business deals, romantic liaisons (steady Gigi !) or artistic adventures – perhaps the glue that holds us together has been Raymond whether we like him of not  – where is he by the way ? – Raymond ! Love him or loath him – he is always there. Except now of course – where the bloody hell is that philanderer.

 

SCREAMS FROM A MAID IN THE GARDEN – A NOTE IS PASSED TO MR PAYNE

 

Oh my Lord. He’s only been and bloody died !

Call the constabulary ! Everybody, stay here, I shall investigate.

 

(Payne gets up and walks briskly towards the garden pushing back those who try to join him)

Get back, all of you ! That's an order !

(a howl from the garden) Oh ! Dear God ! No ! (Payne returns to his guests in the Dining Hall)

 

My dear friends. Yaymond is dead ! He is covered in blood Who is responsible for the heinous crime ? Who would want to murder Raymond

 

(The doorbell chimes and Payne leaves the room once again instructing his guests to remain in the Dining Hall. He returns a few minutes later)

The police are here and we have all been ordered to remain in this room. The officer has informed me that we are all suspects (gasps from around the room) and that I am to take temporary charge over all of you whilst the police conduct their initial assessment of the...the....murder scene.

 

(silence fall upon the room as the harsh reality of the event starts to sink in)

 

Why on Earth would the officer state we are 'all suspects' ? Why would any of us wish this upon dear Raymond ? How could any of us be responsible for this crime ?